I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
