i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
