Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
