Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
