I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
