My hand turned me down
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am available for nakedness
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
