i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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