i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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