Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
