I think i sorta joined a cult last night
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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