OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm passing your future prison.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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