do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
