Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
