I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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