She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
