If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
