I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need a beard to bite.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
