Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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