I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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