Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
