he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
