I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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