so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
