Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
