I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
