I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
