But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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