dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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