just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
