Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
