what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
