he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
