just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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