Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
