After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
