just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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