Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
