That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
