Screwed.edu
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My pussy is not your playground.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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