id be glad to
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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