last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
