He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
