Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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