Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
