found the other keg... it's in the tree
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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