I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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