$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
