dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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