no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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