I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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